[vc_row content_placement=”middle” overlay=”0″][vc_column width=”1/3″][ucaddon_uc_elegant_carousel_content title=”” image=”8228″ btn_text=”FemDom Society” link=”https://kittenwithawhip.com/introducing-the-femdom-society/” uc_fonts_data=”JTdCJTdE”][/ucaddon_uc_elegant_carousel_content][/vc_column][vc_column width=”2/3″ css=”.vc_custom_1615914221560{border-radius: 1px !important;}”][vc_custom_heading text=”This post is part of the FemDom Society, a circle of informative and thoughtful writings by illustrious Dommes. Keep reading to learn more.” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:25px|text_align:justify|color:%23c4c4c4″ google_fonts=”font_family:Dancing%20Script%3Aregular%2C700|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal” css=”.vc_custom_1615914189457{padding-top: 32px !important;padding-bottom: 32px !important;}”][fwp_borano_button link=”url:https%3A%2F%2Fkittenwithawhip.com%2Fintroducing-the-femdom-society%2F|title:FemDom%20Society” button_pos=”text-right” margin_top=”10″ margin_bottom=”10″ margin_left=”25″ margin_right=”25″ style=”black” outline=”1″ extra_class=””][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_empty_space][vc_separator style=”double”][vc_empty_space][fwp_borano_title title=”Going from casual interest to immersive play” link=”” tag=”h3″ title_pos=”text-center” absolute_center=”0″ separator=”1″ separator_pos=”separator” separator_m_bottom=”mb20″ title_color=”” extra_class=””][vc_column_text]Years ago, before the internet was ever-present in our daily lives, the world of female domination, or FemDom, was not easy to dive into. You might have read a story, seen a glimpse in the media, or happened upon a DVD featuring a woman in stiletto boots If you gathered the courage to actually pursue this fantasy of seeing a dominatrix, there was very little info on where to contact one. It required obtaining special magazines or poorly printed want-ads from seedy adult toy stores, complete with grainy images and ominous phone numbers. Many dominatrixes listed a mailing address only, to which you had to send an actual physical written letter with a self-addressed stamped envelope and hope for a reply. BDSM clubs were only found in a handful of major cities, and they were primarily populated with male tops and their female bottoms. It was very clandestine, a secret society of kink. A person with a desire to serve a dominant woman might spend years looking and never find a way to connect with their fantasy archetype in real life.[/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”8241″ img_size=”550×309″ add_caption=”yes” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_rounded” css=”.vc_custom_1615916388039{border-radius: 1px !important;}”][/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”8244″ img_size=”550×309″ add_caption=”yes” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_rounded” css=”.vc_custom_1615916786415{border-radius: 1px !important;}”][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][vc_separator style=”double”][vc_column_text]Now, the landscape has changed dramatically. A simple Google search for “dominatrix” or “femdom porn” will yield millions of pages, much of them jam-packed with latex wearing models who conduct violent activities in the highest performing video categories. Dominas appear in movies, music, and art. Social media is littered with content, platforms sprung up everywhere for you to consume it, and the vast array of people who dabble in BDSM publically seems to grow daily. Fetish became fashionable and edgy and the world of femdom continues to evolve at the speed of technology.
However.. although the barrier to entry has changed, the search for connection remains the same. You may have found yourself here the same way: a story, a movie, or a video. You may have ventured down a rabbit hole on a porn site and found that your desires called for more than blowjobs and threesomes. You ached for that experience, to be at the receiving end of the crop, to know the bliss of surrender to a woman whose demands seem never-ending.[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space height=”12px”][vc_custom_heading text=”But.. how do you actually live those fantasies?
How do you go from timid voyeur to enthusiastic player?” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:28px|text_align:center|color:%2381acd1″ google_fonts=”font_family:Rancho%3Aregular|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal” css=”.vc_custom_1615919844020{padding-top: 32px !important;padding-bottom: 32px !important;}”][vc_column_text]Ah, therein lies the rub. For all the onslaught of exposure to FemDom in the world of the internet, it can still be challenging to find the right person(s) to explore it with. So, here’s my concise advice to transition from bystander to connoisseur. So before you message me, or any other Domme…[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][fwp_borano_title title=”#1: Educate Yourself” link=”” tag=”h4″ title_pos=”text-center” absolute_center=”0″ separator=”1″ separator_pos=”separator” separator_m_top=”mt20″ separator_m_bottom=”mb20″ title_color=”” extra_class=””][vc_column_text]Research and learn.. and I don’t mean by watching more porn, either. The best thing you can do is to learn more about the fetishes you’re interested in before you request them from someone like me, because you need to be speaking the same language. Your definition of “humiliation” may be very different than mine if you’ve only ever thought about jerking off while wearing women’s panties. The internet is full of info and it only takes a few short clicks to find it.
Then, you should educate yourself about the person you’re looking to connect with. I know I have tons of photos and that I’m very beautiful, but that isn’t a basis for chemistry. Read, read, read. Make sure you’re on the same page with the available info on my website and you feel a sense that you would mesh on more than just a BDSM interests perspective, because that’s also crucial to the connection piece.
Keep in mind that although we may look like your fantasy archetype, we are real people who have a wide variety of personalities and styles and skills and interests. Focus more on seeing if your personalities mesh and you have shared passions, but leave room for us to be real people too.
I guarantee that you will have VASTLY superior experiences this way, because it allows for real human connection. Nothing makes play hotter than that.
[/vc_column_text][vc_empty_space][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”8248″ img_size=”large” add_caption=”yes” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_rounded” css=”.vc_custom_1615920541606{border-radius: 1px !important;}”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][fwp_borano_title title=”#1: Know Thyself” link=”” tag=”h4″ title_pos=”text-center” absolute_center=”0″ separator=”1″ separator_pos=”separator” separator_m_top=”mt20″ separator_m_bottom=”mb20″ title_color=”” extra_class=””][vc_column_text]It’s easy to watch a video and get a twitch in the groin and think– this is what I want. But videos are not always an accurate representation of real-life play. They are encapsulated fantasies that are often the most extreme variants, and when you’re just getting started, it’s better to start slow. You might think that you want to be ballbusted, but in reality, you want the experience of being vulnerable in a situation and when it comes to actually getting nailed, it’s more than you can handle.
Instead, make a list of the activities that interest you and ask yourself what specifically about these things is intriguing. Really dig into the specifics, examine how your fantasies intersect, and then imagine a realistic scenario where you could begin to explore them. It helps to make a list when you’re not in a highly charged sexual state so you can look at things objectively. Put aside your fear and shame about your desires too. It may help to think of activities and scenarios like ingredients in making a meal. There are many variations of onions, and many different ways to prepare them, right?[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_empty_space][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”1/2″][fwp_borano_title title=”#3: Learn the Ettiquette” link=”” tag=”h4″ title_pos=”text-center” absolute_center=”0″ separator=”1″ separator_pos=”separator” separator_m_top=”mt20″ separator_m_bottom=”mb20″ title_color=”” extra_class=””][vc_column_text]This is the biggest mistake that most newbies make: they treat this like a fast food restaurant and demand accordingly. It’s incredibly offensive to approach a Dominatrix with a pile of requests and treat them like a fantasy vending machine. Establishing an interpersonal connection with the person you’re seeking to serve is critical, and that starts with a good first impression.
SEND A TRIBUTE FIRST. We are bombarded with emails, texts, and inquiries from people just like you and it becomes noise. Tributes and gifts show a genuine interest and sincerity. Then, introduce yourself thoughtfully (leave out the “40 year old white male” — we don’t care) with some details about who you are and what you’d like to explore in a respectful way.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Follow her protocols, if they are listed on her site. If you can’t follow basic instructions, it’s not likely you’re a good candidate of any kind, right?” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:24px|text_align:center|color:%2381acd1″ google_fonts=”font_family:Rancho%3Aregular|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal” css=”.vc_custom_1615926864642{padding-top: 2px !important;padding-bottom: 8px !important;}”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”8249″ img_size=”large” add_caption=”yes” alignment=”center” style=”vc_box_rounded” css=”.vc_custom_1615929276985{border-radius: 1px !important;}”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_empty_space][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][fwp_borano_title title=”#4: Manage Your Expectations” link=”” tag=”h4″ title_pos=”text-center” absolute_center=”0″ separator=”1″ separator_pos=”separator” separator_m_top=”mt20″ separator_m_bottom=”mb20″ title_color=”” extra_class=””][vc_column_text]Slow down, cowboy. Even if you hit it off right from the start, try to reign in those expectations that it will be fireworks right from the first moment. Building a connection takes time, and that means more than one play experience. Whether that is online or in-person, it will take a few “dates” before we really begin to dig into those creating those exhilarating experiences. Trust and comfort can’t be rushed and both are necessary for even the most skilled Domme. I also don’t invest in clients who don’t invest in me as a person, because I want to keep loving what I do. This is a two-way street and you have to come to the table with more than money. Be willing to participate in the process, because kink is about collaboration. You need to bring your own ideas and suggestions to the table so that you can feed the fires of that chemistry.
Speaking of money: this is an expensive hobby, there’s no way around it. Seeing a sex worker of any kind is a luxury, and it’s part of the power dynamic. Don’t try and haggle or cajole or beg or plead, it’s not a good look. If you can’t afford my time (or anyone else’s), then save your pennies and plan for the adventure– the same way you would a holiday. Budget for more than one visit or call or interaction, because it’s not likely you’ll get what you want out of just one visit. It’s also ok to try different activities with different people and see what works best for you. Just don’t let yourself fall into the trap of looking for the Cinderella Domme when you’re not investing anything into building a relationship with her.[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”8239″ img_size=”large”][vc_custom_heading text=”Sending tips and tributes is more than just a financial domination activity,
it’s also a show of gratitude and appreciation. Keep that in mind.” font_container=”tag:p|font_size:28px|text_align:center|color:%2381acd1″ google_fonts=”font_family:Rancho%3Aregular|font_style:400%20regular%3A400%3Anormal” css=”.vc_custom_1615924993593{padding-top: 32px !important;padding-bottom: 32px !important;}”][vc_separator border_width=”2″ el_width=”20″][fwp_borano_title title=”#5: Let Go” link=”” tag=”h4″ title_pos=”text-center” absolute_center=”0″ separator=”1″ separator_pos=”separator” separator_m_top=”mt20″ separator_m_bottom=”mb20″ title_color=”” extra_class=””][vc_column_text]If you’ve gotten this far, I’m sure you’ve wrestled with shame and guilt over your fantasies at least a dozen times by now. The puritanical world tells you that your desires are abnormal, that you should feel disgust over them, and this leads to internalized feelings of shame. You need to let that go if you want to have the most fulfilling experiences. That means you need to learn to let go of your ego and need to control outside events as well, not just your shame. Let go of your entitlement and insecurities as mindfully as you’re able.
Arriving into the world of FemDom takes humility and strength to do well, and you can see evidence of this in the happy submissives who are serving those Dommes you revere. How did they get there?
They worked for it.
Not just in actual physical labor, but in the mental and emotional labor as well. Serving a Dominant woman is more than just a fleeting fancy of desire, it can be a transformative experience that brings out the best in you. Surrender to that, not just to the scene.[/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”8178″ img_size=”full” alignment=”right”][vc_empty_space][/vc_column][/vc_row]
